Lost Inside
by Angelic Bladez
Summary: AU. Have you ever felt lost inside? Severus Snape's childhood. Just something I felt like writing one day. Posted before DH


**Disclaimer-** I do not own the characters, nor do I own anything belonging to the Harry Potter Universe.

**Summary-** Have you ever felt lost inside…

**A/N-** I started this a long time ago and had forgotten that it even existed. If anything is off then I am sorry. I should also let you know that this has not been beta read and in advance am sorry for any mistakes. This was written for the sake of writing and will not be continuing. On a finale note enjoy and please review.

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**Lost Inside…  
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Severus Snape rode the long train ride from Hogsmeade Station to Platform Nine and Three Quarters. The compartment was silent for he was the only one occupying it at this moment. His sixth year had been much like the other years whilst attending Hogwarts. The dueling with Black, Potter and their little posse the natural hate they shared almost causing him a curse that he would have for life much like Lupin, his own house socially out casting him leaving him without the friendship and fond loyalty one needs at his fragile age. Severus talked to people and was friendly if you could call it that to acquaintances but other then that he was left alone with books to study so that he could be taken on as an apprentice after graduating next year.

Severus stared outside the window as the train begun to slow down. Upon finally coming to a halt he sighed before rising from his seat grabbing his trunk and headed towards the exit of the compartment.

He searched the crowd of smiling faces none of course were directed at him. A slight frown creased his features as the familiar mob of black hair was lacking. Sighing he took a seat on top of his trunk watching families regrouping and leaving one by one. Severus watched as they slowly departed leaving only a scatted amount of students and parents left.

After waiting for a good hour there was a light tap on his shoulder. Turning around he was met with the black hollow eyes of his mother. Mrs. Snape was a lean build with straight long black hair and a few wrinkles lined her face. The concealment charms not as effective as they once were to hide the sickly bluely green bruising of her left eye and the bruising that trailed down her throat like a tattoo. Standing up and hugging his mother in a tight embrace Severus whispered to her "Why do you suffer so dearly mother? Can't you see the destruction he has caused you? You have to leave him. You cannot keep this up any longer!" The venom in his voice clearly agitated and enraged. Pulling away from the embrace gently yet forcefully he continued "The charms, they don't take effect anymore. Why haven't you left him yet?"

"Severus" came the soothing voice of Mrs. Snape "You know why…I love him even with all his faults and ends. No bodies perfect and he's your father." Tears filling her onyx eyes as she tried to reach out to him but Severus pushed her away.

"No! How can you love that-that bastard!" emotions rarely shown from him expressed clearly "He has his whores and you know that. Why do you still love him? All he did was intend pain for you and myself."

Mrs. Snape looked around fearfully hoping desperately that no one had witnessed Severus' outburst and childish act. "Severus we will discuss this later. Come along from prying eyes." Pointing her wand at his trunk and levitating it they made their way home.

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Severus's afternoon consisted of a foul mood with much unpacking to do. No matter how many times he had tried to persuade his mother to leave _him_ she would always come up with the half bull excuse of loving him. His father was a liar, a cheater, a drunk and abusive both mentally and physically. Severus couldn't understand why she felt that way about him why she bothered to keep this family together with everything she had. It was a puzzle one that Severus seemed to never be able to solve.

Looking around his room, dust covering his possessions knowing that no one had touched them since last year, he picked up a picture on his drawer one of his mother holding him as a five year old and his father's arm hung loosely around her shoulder smiling and waving at the holder. Tears of frustration brimmed his eyes unwilling them to fall showing weakness that had lead him to the name of Snivellus. The anger that pent up inside of him released as he hurled the picture to the ground the glass shattering and the people in the photo fled shocked and modified, afraid they will be torn to pieces if Severus looked their way.

Sneering down at them he muttered a quiet "Oh grow up" they seemed to take great offense to that.

Sighing realizing it is just a picture; he turned and walked over to his collection of books picked one and jumped ungracefully on top of his bed.

Severus was so engorged with the book he had chosen to read he had not at first heard the screams of protest or foul language that bellowed from downstairs he had however heard the smashing of glass hitting either a wall or the floor. Tossing his book aside and forgotten Severus jumped from his lying position on his bed and ran from his room following the cries of help. Running down the stairs and heading towards the kitchen he stopped still as he pushed opened the door. There was his mother, tears falling from her eyes and his fathers hand around her throat his right hand fisted into a ball held back waiting to strike. His father yelled at his mother "You stupid slut! You think you could leave me? Do you think I wouldn't notice or care? You whore!" His anger and drunkenness didn't go unnoticed by them as his fist collided with her jaw knocking her to the ground with a sounding 'thump'. Silence fell around them except for the groan that was admitted from the woman on the floor and the angry heaves of breath being admitted by Tobias Snape.

Severus looked on shocked and torn inside to say it didn't hurt emotional to see his father do this to her was a lie and it infuriated him to say the least. Snapping from the shock Severus looked up from the floor and locked his eyes with his father. He couldn't understand what had made him hate her, what had changed him to beat her daily when all she did was give him love. Did he even deserve this love? It was another piece to the puzzle that will remain unsolved.

His father's eyes were glazed over with pure hate which reflected Severus's faultlessly. It was with that look that Severus closed the distance between them and hit that man square in the nose.

Tobias staggered a bit from losing his footing but once it was regained, he lunged forward punching Severus hitting him in his cheek and eye. It became an all out fight between the two just hitting and kicking wherever they could. Eileen who had gotten off the floor was screeching at them to stop only to be ignored.

"You bastard, you had no right to hit her!" Severus yelled as he tackled his father to the ground.

"That bitch was going to leave me. I have every right to you ungrateful son of a bi---" His words were cut off by the yelling of Mrs. Snape.

"Enough! Both of you can't you see there has been enough damage already without you two fighting?" the strain in her voice was one of the most heart wrenching pleads Severus had ever heard. Letting go of his father Severus just stared at her. She looked torn and broken her very soul tainted with pain, fear, desperation, and if possible cover by all that angst love? "Severus go to your room and pack, we are leaving as soon as you are finished. We'll find a place to stay the night."

Severus looked at his mother, making no attempt to leave her alone with this abusive man. "Severus, go now. I'll be fine." Hesitant to leave he walked out the door up the stairs and packed his belongings in a suitcase his heart lifting slightly at the thought of finally getting free.

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Severus had packed ready to leave this place of nightmares. Suitcase in hand he descended the stairs it was only when he came at rest on the lower level of the house that quietness echoed around him. A cold dread settled in the pit of his stomach slowly rising up and encircling his heart leaving it feeling heavy.

Venturing into the kitchen the sight that greeted him upon entry was the hollow eyes of his mother staring up at him on the kitchen floor, the life inside of her extinguished. The room seemed to be swimming, swallowing him whole and the air was knocked out of him making it hard to breathe. He hardly felt the moisture against his skin as the tears leaked through and cries of protest fell on deafened ears.

Waking up within his Private Chambers at Hogwarts with a gasp and beads of sweat on his forehead, nightshirt clinging to his body Severus sits up in bed and waves his left hand to light the candle on his bedside table. After twenty years grieve and blame doesn't leave one, instead it haunts you, still being the shadow of your every move.

If he had stayed with her and disobeyed her, she would be alright, she would be alive but no he left the room with his father still enraged. If only…I never left her alone, she would be here. Her last words rang throughout his head taunting him, haunting him as it did every night reflecting back on his memories "I'll be fine" but you weren't fine.

People change after death and a little bit of whom you are dies with that person. That night not only his mother died but the Severus who loved and cared died with her. That night he walked away from his father and that house of horrid deeds and while he may be free of them the scar that runs across his heart and memory is something you can't simply walk away from.

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